The Break up story

Relationships are difficult at the best of times. Tonight I am sad to relate the tale of my break up with my lawn mower.

Up until tonight my lawn mower and I had a very cordial, reciprocal type relationship. I gave it gas and oil and kept it covered up so it wouldn't get wet or too cold and all I asked in return was that it start and mow the damn yard. Tonight we had our first big fight...I dare say it won't be the last.

I put gas in the mower and it decided it would rather flood than try and tackle the rain soaked, mosquito-infested, jungle that had become my back yard. I took a deep breath and sat down for awhile and waited for it to get over itself. But no...it decided that it could out-stubborn me...silly machine.

So we continued to fight because my ADD would not allow me wait long enough for it to become amenable to my quest. So for an hour and a half we fought. I said lots of bad words. I questioned the legitimacy of the lawn mower's parentage. Finally, in a moment of high childishness, I even kicked it. Which, of course, only served to hurt my ankle which had been sore but was finally feeling better. This resulted in me breaking up with my lawn mower. I said one final, rude, epithet and shoved it up against the house, threw the tarp over and said screw this...I am going to Sonic.

So I went to Sonic where I drowned my sorrow and appeased my broken heart with a double cheeseburger, tater tots and a large Coke. (Yes...I am aware that I do eat rubbish.) I came home still bitching and grumbling to myself and ate my dinner. Then...in a moment of weakness I thought I will try once more before giving up for the night.

Evidently the lawn mower missed me and decided we should get back together. It started the first try and I thought...oh great...now I have to speed mow to get done before dark. I realize this is irrationally ungrateful...you don't need to point it out. I once again questioned the legitimacy of its parentage and took off across the meadow. I finished just in time. Then I came inside and had an affair with a hot shower just to spite the lawnmower. Hah...I won!! It's a hollow victory but it's all mine and the yard is mowed.

Now I will have to see if the weed eater and I can resolve our differences as well. How is this easier than just having goats? Sheesh....