Conspiracy!

There is a conspiracy afoot in my house. A vicious betrayal by one of my furry children. An unholy cabal has been secretly meeting unbeknownst to me and they have been plotting my downfall.

You may be wondering how I discovered the details of this heinous plot brewing right underneath my nose? Well let me tell you...Fiona is not only the house disciplinarian but also a big tattletale. Being the oldest, if not the wisest, of my kids she understands that momma is the one who acquires the kibbles for her consumption. This instills in her a keen sense of self-preservation...if not devotion.

So Fiona has tattled on the culprits to me. Evidently the tiny, blood-thirsty, succubi inhabiting my back yard have infiltrated the house and begun negotiations with the cat. If Kitten Face will only destroy the fearsome "All natural" Yard Guard for them they will, in turn, carry off one of the dogs for her. It will probably be Owen since he's the littlest and barkiest of the group. (She would really prefer to get rid of Fiona but there are not enough mosquitos in the state to pick up the Princess and carry her off.)

They attempted to exercise their nefarious scheme night before last. I was sitting on the couch, staring at my laptop in a ADD induced daze, trying to save butterflies from the evil spider when I heard a loud bang and Fiona flew (well limped) off barking in an effort to thwart the plot. Of course this adds to the racket but she doesn't get that. When I finally managed to tear myself away from my noble quest I went to check the usual objects of Kitten Face's wrath. I did not see anything overt so went to the bathroom, got another Coke and went back to saving the butterflies.

Right before bed time I began the process of taking the dogs out to potty. Oh yeah...it's a process. First, I call Fiona from wherever she is pouting to give her a head start. My poor boo boo butt and her hips. Sigh...I digress. Second, I have to try and wake up Lester. You'd think that would be an easy thing but it's not. I have to touch him a couple of times and then wait for him to retract his tongue and gather his wits. Finally, I have to try and herd Owen to a spot where I can pick him up. Hopefully before Lester pees because you have just woken him up and he has a tiny bladder. I can relate.

So, after completing this process we head to the back steps where I flip on the light and see just how heinous my cat's betrayal has become. For there...lying on the cement steps...is the can of "All natural" yard guard with the plastic top broken off. This act of perfidity resulted in my using a profanity followed by Kitten Face. I put down Owen outside and assessed the damage. I thought at first their plot had succeeded but alas...BWHAHAHAHAHA...the lever to release the aerosol is in tact. I popped it back on  and went outside to massacre a few of the conspirators with gleeful malice...in an "all natural" way of course. I have won the first battle in the on-going struggle. Perhaps those blood thirsty beasts will reconsider using Kitten Face as a co-conspirator...but alas she really is all they got. My dogs just aren't motivated enough to risk their kibble delivery system. The war continues....