Vacationing in Never Never Land

Have you ever had one of those days where you start out at point A thinking this is the way your day will go and then all of sudden you are sitting on your couch at home thinking how the hell did I get to point B?

It started out as normal mornings do. I snoozed my phone 3 or so times. I finally got up and staggered to the bathroom to pee. Let Baker outside. Chased Owen around the house for a lap or two until he stopped and I put him outside. Came back in and took a swig of the only thing that keeps me sane (Coke...as in cola). Went to the spare bedroom and retrieved Kitten Face from Narnia (her armoire drawer) and carried her majesty to the kitchen. Fed the cat...brought in the dogs...fed the dogs. Staggered back to the couch to sacrifice my moral fiber by turning on the internet. Finally realize I HAVE to get in the shower. Get in the shower...miss a text from my boss...make it to work on time. Head out on my errands. Get part of the way done...check my phone...see the text and voicemail on my phone. Think to myself...oh shit!!!

Then it happens...and I don't even know when it started...or what caused it...but my hormones started swinging like Tarzan on meth. I was angry that it has rained every day for the last 6 years (okay...I know I am exaggerating but that's what it feels like). I was angry at that inconsiderate person who parked like a jackass. I was mad at my doctor's office again. I wanted to stuff that guy's cell phone up his ass if he didn't drive the damn car and stay in his own lane. Get the drift...I was a trifle miffed. I wanted to go home...grab a duffle bag and disappear into the wilderness where the bears could eat me in peace and quiet. At least then there would be no people to piss me off!! Sure...I would be dead but I would helping the environment right?

This goes on for a bit and then I head to the store at lunch because I could no longer look Kitten Face in the eye and tell her I still had no canned food for her. Forget that her bowl is overflowing with dry food just for a sec. So I trot on down to get some essentials like more Coke, Cheetos, bread, cat fud, softer dog treats for Owen, and some other stuff that I thought I needed at the time. Still a little miffed...contemplated tripping the kids that were racing through the store trying to dismantle it while mom checked her FB page.  Then I got to the self-checkout register and the nice, older woman in front of me was clearly having a day as well. She had some lunch, a dessert and a four pack of wine.

The self-checkout thing of course dings her because she has wine. They should mount a camera there so they can see us and automatically judge by our frown lines whether we are old enough to drink or not. She is VERY apologetic. I told her it was fine and it was. She seemed very worried that I might become snippy or angry with her and I assured her everything was okay. And my mood swung completely the other way. I wasn't mad anymore. It was gone. I was more sad that this is what we have become. We now have to worry the person behind us in line is going to go postal over a two minute delay.

I get back to work and I swing into sarcastic unbelieving land. This would be because I got on the internet again to amuse myself over the last 15 minutes of my lunch. I was astounded by the fact that Johnny Manziel posting a photo of him getting a tattoo on a plane seemed more important than an active shooter on the campus of UCLA. I start laughing at the fact that North Korea thinks Donald Trump would be a good president. I am amazed that an idiot would get that close to a ginormous alligator as it strolls across the golf course. Is it just me or did that look fake? Anyway...an alligator can turn and charge you at some ungodly speed. That bunker is not going to save your silly ass.

I am wondering what the point is of Josh Duggar and his wife staying married if she feels it's important to ban him from having a cell phone? Really? Trust issues? Have some self-respect and divorce the man and move on. Now a blind man is suing Mc Donald's for denying him drive-thru service?? Was he driving? This is like the braille on the drive-thru ATMs...I just find it disturbing. Evidently a gentleman is upset because McDonald's has a policy against serving people who walk up to their windows at night. God forbid they should not want to be robbed. So...we should sue because a company's safety policy inconveniences you. REALLY?? Perchance you should head to the restaurant before the they close the dining room? God forbid you have to find a friend to take your through the drive-thru. For the love of GOD...make it stop!!!!

I manage to get back to work and finish out my day. Still teetering between cranky and sarcastic and entertained but mostly feeling festive and goofy. I get home and am sitting on my couch feeling all warm and fuzzy and goofy and silly and happy and am thinking how in the hell did I get to point B? I am messing with the dogs and laughing at the internet and all is right with the world.

Oh look a chicken....