Sweet mystery of life...aw dammit!

This morning was a normal morning. I straggled out of bed half asleep and managed to make it to the bathroom in time. I wrestled and begged and pleaded with the dogs to let me put on my long pants and shoes before taking them outside. Fiona and Kitten Face are very well behaved...Owen and Baker not so much...it must be a boy thing. Owen is barking and running around being an impatient brat and Baker is trying to either stick his tongue half way to China in my ear, or worse yet, stick his cold nose in my butt crack...neither sensation is pleasing I might add.

So...I get them outside...and then inside...which might sound like no big deal but in my house it's like starting a polar expedition. There's a lot of dog toting going on in my house. I get them all fed and head over to the fridge to obtain that sweet elixir of life that will both kill me and sustain me. I love irony.

This morning I decide...remember...I am not fully awake at this point...to free my special friends from their "irksome confinement." You see...I was at Sam's and so I bought the ginormous case of Coke...after having successfully played Wal-Mart Jenga and removed it from the pallet. So I grab my handy dandy steak knife and try slicing it's protective plastic so that all my little friends might both breathe and get colder. The first swipe failed to free them and so I tried just a little harder...and that's when it happened!! I can hardly talk about it right now it was so traumatic. That's when...I STABBED one of them...eeeeeekkkkk....it's little life blood was going everywhere...it was HORRIBLE!!

Panic sat in as I tried to figure out which special friend I had stabbed. No it's not that one...dammit....it's getting everywhere...ah there he is...I am so sorry little buddy. I quickly hurried him over to the sink and stretched as far as my little arms would stretch to reach a glass. Then I opened him and poured his sweet contents into the glass so as to make his unfortunate death seem more worthwhile. I apologized as I tossed his little lifeless, Santa faced, body into the trash can.

I then turned to the prospect of clean up. After fortifying myself with a swig of his sweet sacrifice I then opened up the ginormous package of paper towels...I was at Sam's remember...and proceed to clean up the carnage and that's when I noticed something. Usually if I drop or spill something in the kitchen the dogs are all over it and I am using special words to try and get them to stop...but not this day...no...even they won't touch the Coke on the floor. Hmmm??? Should I...NO...don't be silly girl...take your sweet death cola over to the couch and enjoy. Who am I to cheapen his sacrifice? Rest in piece my darling!