Jesus Loves Me

I have been pondering how to write this blog since last Thursday. That's when I got the call from my cousin Tommy that his sister Connie B. had just passed away. I sat here for a bit in shock. I think I called a couple of people. At one point I tried to tell myself that he didn't really call and tell me that. I am just imagining it...it can't be real. But alas...it was all too real.

You see...Connie B. was not of this Earth. She was an angel sent down here to try and teach us how to love one another. She may not have been perfect...she was my cousin after all and we can be a stubborn bunch when we want to be...but she was an angel none the less. Connie B. was different. She was born with a developmental disability. She did not look like the other kids and she struggled more than the other kids. Some people looked on her with pity, some with derision, some with fear and some with embarrassment. Those people were and are fools.

Because Connie B. was given a gift by God that we can only dream about being given. Connie was love. Plain and simple. She loved you without preconditions, without expectations, without guile, without any kind of subtlety at all. It did not matter if you deserved her love or not...you got it anyway. She accepted people into her life with open arms. If you were kind to her she loved you and she always remembered those who were kind to her.

She loved her family. She loved Elvis. She loved root beer and birthday cake. She loved kitties and baby dolls. She loved to sing and she loved to sing to you. My favorite memory of her will always be her calling me one day singing "Jesus Loves Me" at the top her voice. She was laughing and singing and she was so happy. I just sat in my car and cried at the beauty of such a gift. Oh...and she loved a party...especially if it was for her. She was in her element then...the belle of the ball.

Connie B. was 12 years older than me so we did not get to spend a lot of time together as kids. I tried to make up for that as I got older. When she became ill and had to move to the nursing home I had a tough time. I had a really difficult time forcing myself to go there. I could easily visit her in the hospital but the nursing home was a whole different ball game. The sadness, despair, pain and anxiety of that place would overwhelm me and I would have a panic attack if I stayed too long. So I tried to stay in touch but I am ashamed to say I did not go there as much as I should. I really tried but I just couldn't do it. I know Connie B. did not understand why it bothered me so much but I hope she can forgive me. My mind and heart were always with her and I always loved her even though my moral fortitude was weak. So I ask your forgiveness my sweet angel Connie B. I love you with my whole heart and I will miss you forever. The world is a little sadder and darker place for want of your light. Rest in peace my sweet Connie B.. I will always be your Karen Ann.

Sweet mystery of life...aw dammit!

This morning was a normal morning. I straggled out of bed half asleep and managed to make it to the bathroom in time. I wrestled and begged and pleaded with the dogs to let me put on my long pants and shoes before taking them outside. Fiona and Kitten Face are very well behaved...Owen and Baker not so much...it must be a boy thing. Owen is barking and running around being an impatient brat and Baker is trying to either stick his tongue half way to China in my ear, or worse yet, stick his cold nose in my butt crack...neither sensation is pleasing I might add.

So...I get them outside...and then inside...which might sound like no big deal but in my house it's like starting a polar expedition. There's a lot of dog toting going on in my house. I get them all fed and head over to the fridge to obtain that sweet elixir of life that will both kill me and sustain me. I love irony.

This morning I decide...remember...I am not fully awake at this point...to free my special friends from their "irksome confinement." You see...I was at Sam's and so I bought the ginormous case of Coke...after having successfully played Wal-Mart Jenga and removed it from the pallet. So I grab my handy dandy steak knife and try slicing it's protective plastic so that all my little friends might both breathe and get colder. The first swipe failed to free them and so I tried just a little harder...and that's when it happened!! I can hardly talk about it right now it was so traumatic. That's when...I STABBED one of them...eeeeeekkkkk....it's little life blood was going everywhere...it was HORRIBLE!!

Panic sat in as I tried to figure out which special friend I had stabbed. No it's not that one...dammit....it's getting everywhere...ah there he is...I am so sorry little buddy. I quickly hurried him over to the sink and stretched as far as my little arms would stretch to reach a glass. Then I opened him and poured his sweet contents into the glass so as to make his unfortunate death seem more worthwhile. I apologized as I tossed his little lifeless, Santa faced, body into the trash can.

I then turned to the prospect of clean up. After fortifying myself with a swig of his sweet sacrifice I then opened up the ginormous package of paper towels...I was at Sam's remember...and proceed to clean up the carnage and that's when I noticed something. Usually if I drop or spill something in the kitchen the dogs are all over it and I am using special words to try and get them to stop...but not this day...no...even they won't touch the Coke on the floor. Hmmm??? Should I...NO...don't be silly girl...take your sweet death cola over to the couch and enjoy. Who am I to cheapen his sacrifice? Rest in piece my darling!