Limitations and opportunities

Today was one of those difficult days for me. You see...it is VERY hard for me to ask for help. On little things...sure I can ask you to help me for a sec but for the big stuff it is hard. It is very hard for me to feel obligated to someone or to allow someone to help me with something whether it be emotional or financial or physical or whatever...you get my point.

You see my parents were proud, stubborn and completely dysfunctional. One did not accept charity. One did not rely on anyone else. You just did what you needed to do and if that meant you ate a lot of potato soup that's what you did. We were poor...like a lot of other folks. My parents both worked thankless factory jobs and did the best they could with what they earned. We were always one bad month away from homelessness or the trailer park but we made it. I am sure we were not alone.

The point I am trying to make here is that I learned from the best to be stubborn and proud and to not ask for help. Today I had to admit that I needed help. It's not a big thing but to me it's a BIG thing. You see...it's too hot for me to mow my yard. I know that seems silly but it bothers me. I should be able to mow my own damn yard. I am only 52. The Troll mother still mows her yard and she's almost 88. But I have to admit it's too hot for me to mow. My age and my weight and my dodgy lungs have finally caught up with me. Will this inspire me to lose weight? I would hope so...will I...who knows? I have kind of given up that battle with my hormones.

Today I had to ask my friend Justin to mow my yard for me. We had to argue about whether I would pay him or not but he finally graciously agreed to let me assuage my damaged ego by paying him. He has no idea how hard it was for me to ask. (Well I guess he will read this and know...surprise!!!) Every time I think of him offering to do it for free because that is what family does I start to cry. You see...I don't have a lot of family and we can't seem to make a lot of time for one another. It's no one's fault...that's just how it is...everyone has families and lives and work etc....I am just as guilty! 

I have been blessed to know many other people aside from my blood relations who have become my "family". There are too many to list here but I hope I have told you how much I love and appreciate each one of you. If not...shame on me. Today I had to ask one of you for help and it means the world to me that you are able to help me out. I will try to be less stubborn and proud but I will never be less grateful. Thank you!