Ah...Can you smell the rubbish from here?

Lots of rubbish roaming around in my head tonight so here goes....

Today I was behind a lady at McDonald's who was very concerned about how many calories were in their iced coffee. All the while puffing on a cigarette. I am so glad you are worrying about getting fat and not about the state of your lungs. Ah well....

I then saw a truck that proudly announced the name of the business as Redeemed something or other. Now...don't get me wrong here...I am happy that he is happy that he is redeemed and all but I am puzzled about using it as a business name. Is he just happy and celebrating his redemption? Is he bragging about his redemption and thumbing his nose at those who are less redeemed? Is this supposed to make me believe that he will do better work because he is redeemed? If he screws up the job will Jesus make it right? It's a conundrum. I think I will never call him for a job just because he is too confusing.

I would like to make an announcement to my fellow Americans. As you can tell by my photo I am not a small and girlie woman. In fact...I am a 5'7''...300 pound...hunk of human being. I am built like a small truck. This is not because of a lot of effort on my part. I come from a long line of stocky females. I also have no control over the fact that I have PCOS. This means that I have cysts on my ovaries that do not allow me to have the proper hormonal balance. Thus...I have too much androgen and not enough estrogen. Aside from not being able to lose weight easily and having to shave every morning I don't notice it all that much. However...I would like you to TRUST me to know which bathroom is the correct one for me to use. I realize that I don't look like you. I realize that I choose to live my life the way I feel the most comfortable so I do not wear a lot of feminine clothing. Trust me...you would not feel any safer when I walked into the bathroom in a girlie outfit...you would definitely think that someone transgender had walked in at that point. Think...sailor in drag! It's not pretty. So...when you see me walk in...don't panic...it's just me and my original equipment. I am still sporting the vagina God gave me without alterations so you can relax. Rest assured I have no interest in what you are doing in the bathroom. I am there to use the toilet and move on. So let's just trust one another that we can read a sign and use common sense and go into proper bathroom and go right back to ignoring one another as much as possible. Because...and trust me on this...I am old and cranky...and if you say something to me or decide you want security to remove me...you are not going to be happy with the resulting conversation. Thank you!

Let's just make everyone mad while we are at it. Here in America you can pretty much say whatever stupid, misogynistic, racist, homophobic garbage you want. That is your right. But you must understand that society collectively sets our social norms on what is acceptable and unacceptable. You have to realize that most of us have moved on. So...when you say these things you must understand that there could be consequences for your behavior. You might alienate friends and family, you might lose your job, you might get your butt kicked. So spew all the rubbish you want but understand there could be a steep price tag. Oh...and if you feel free enough to fly that piece of Confederate bull shit and expect me not be offended by it then I expect you not to be offended by the finger I salute it with when I drive by your house. Fair is fair.

You might be asking yourself...Karen...where is all this anger and bitterness coming from? Well...I blame the Republicans and the internet. Now...I am going to go watch nonsense TV and eat food that is bad for me. Carry on!

Flat Squirrel Buffet

Mother Nature has put on quite the show this evening. Evidently one of the neighborhood squirrels lost a race with an automobile today and wound up squished in the middle of the street. I did not notice said tragedy right away. However, as I sat here on the couch, diving into my Popeye's chicken I saw a rather large shadow come across my front yard.

Holy crap! It's a Turkey Buzzard!! Now I live a block off a very busy road and I can see the Kum N' Go from my front windows so it's not like I am out in the country. So...said Turkey Buzzard, completely oblivious to the fact that he/she is ruining my appetite, plopped down and started doing what buzzards do...you know circle of life crap. Next thing I know here comes one of the neighborhood cats...of which there seem to be a multitude...and he/she decides to challenge the buzzard to a duel over the squished squirrel.

The Buzzard won that battle with a stretch of the wings, which convinced the cat that, yes, that buzzard is twice as big as me. The cat still hung in there though even though he/she retreated to a safer distance. Finally the buzzard lost interest and wandered over to the curb. Then the cat got all saucy and ran right at the bird...which just flew off making sarcastic anti-feline comments. The cat sauntered over and checked out the flat squirrel offering but decided that was just a bit too gross for him/her.

I finished my supper and came back into the living room and walked over to the front door to check out the naturalistic tableau and what should I see...a gopher...seriously people. It was running around the front yard and then would scoot back under my neighbor's house. I wonder if it is a relative of the gopher I wrangled out from under Martha's car at our old building. It is really close. Anyway...a gopher.

So I am going to sit here on my couch and keep an eye out for the next chapter. Who knows what might come roaming down the street next. Stay tuned....

For the love of God...make it stop.

Now this sentiment could refer to a lot of different things...and with my brain it does...so we are going to discuss things that need to stop.

1.  The annual Spring of Karen's angst. March is a very tough month for me and end of April is no peach either. Every year it starts off good with my friend Julie's birthday and then it just goes downhill from there. March 9th brings mom's birthday and this year would have been her 90th so that brought all sorts of angst with it. Then the 19th brings dad's birthday with all it's different sort of angst. All sorts of reexamining the cause of his douche-ness. Then the 31st is my anniversary. 21 years this year. But even that is sad because we are living 12 hours apart. Partly due to circumstance and partly due to choice and that brings all sorts of life choice angst. Like...what the fuck am I doing? I am wasting my life...you know...that sort of fun.
Then we have Easter. Now...I know Easter is supposed to be a joyous time but I have never been able to warm up to that feeling. To me it's just another year of marking the time things got so bad that God sent his only son down and we STILL DID NOT LEARN A DAMN THING! Yes...I am bitter.
Then comes the pollen that plagues my brain and the storms that make me hyper, or should I say, more hyper and it all comes crashing down at the end of April with the anniversary of mom's death. Yea me! This is why I prefer the Fall quite frankly.

2.  People need to understand that other folks do not process information the way they do. No one listens anymore. Especially if you are JUST an admin. They feel free to talk over you and not really listen to you and then have the gall to be upset when you get upset in return. No one person's time is more important than another person's time. Stop...and listen...and when you ask those of us with ADD a question...STOP...and let us process the question before you stalk off thinking we are idiots. Some of us need time to process the question before our brain will let us answer. Have patience with one another people.

3.  The other day I was driving to my dentist appointment when I saw a truck with a personalized Arkansas tag. Now...I get it...I really do...I lived in Fayetteville for five years...I understand your love for all things hog related. But seriously dude...driving around with a truck tag that says piglvr...that just needs to stop!! Scary place in my head now. I have never recovered from Deliverance.

4.  Today a squirrel met me in the driveway and proceeded to climb straight up the brick wall of my house. This needs to stop because quite frankly it freaked me out a little bit.

5.  Baker needs to stop obsessing over Kitten Face's whereabouts...especially if he is going to be dorky about it. This is how the conversation goes..."Baker...you JUST saw the cat in the kitchen two seconds ago...you looked right at her and barked...you JUST saw her so why are you standing in the spare bedroom staring at the armoire?"

6.  Girl Scouts need to stop selling Thin Mints because I have no self control.

7.  People need to stop hating one another...end of story!! Just stop!!

I was going to do 10 things but my ADD is so bad that I lost my train of thought. Maybe I will get back to it some day...oh look a chicken....