It's all awhirl tonight folks!

Yep...that's right my brain is rampaging out of control tonight with all sorts of rubbish running around in it and it's about to spew.

Why is it that my 3 legged Baker can see the cat in the kitchen, can whine at said cat in the kitchen, jump up on the cabinet door to annoy said cat and yet still run straight back to the Armoire and obsess about the cat he has just seen in the KITCHEN??  And why does he try to open closed doors by banging his nose into them? That has got to sting a bit.

And why is my neighbor choosing to stand out in her yard and yell at the woman across the street about whatever drama they are choosing to have today? This isn't the trailer park sister. Either go over there and duke it out or shut up about it and go inside. Because oddly enough...I don't give a damn!

When I go out to see my friends' band play I like to call it going to the Drunken Olympics. The Drunken Olympics has many great events. One of my favorites in the Dirty Dancing portion of the program. If I could wash my eyeballs I would sometimes.

Then there is the Toilet Expedition portion that is open to all contestants. There are many phases to this event. There is the where is the bathroom investigation...followed by the is it remotely clean check out...rapidly followed by the question portion of the evening. Does it have doors or shower curtains? Are there anything remotely resembling locks and if I lock said door can I unlock it to get out? Does it have paper towels or those air thingies? I hate those air thingies. Does it have a handicapped stall so I can get back up? Why does it have a sissy bar for a handicapped person but the toilet is so low a dwarf would have issues getting back up off it? This is closely related to the if I shut this door it will be right up against my knees but I REALLY have to pee and now that I am down here how on earth am I going to get back up? Panic can strike at this moment but you must remain calm while you try to figure out how you can get up without EMT assistance. Men...this is why we go to the bathroom together...it's all about a potential rescue.

Another great event is the I play guitar too and I can tell you what you are doing wrong portion of the evening. Always an awkward favorite of mine. This is closely related to the Play "Freebird" portion of the evening. The more advanced competitors even offer bribes but the band remains true to their ideals and pretends like they don't know it. Big points for denial right there.

Then there's the two drunken girls dancing event. You don't see this every time because they travel in pairs and it's hard to coordinate their schedules I do believe. There's the I started the evening out being normal but now I just keep getting louder and louder event. This is not a gender specific event. Both men and women can compete on an even obnoxious field. Ah..fun times right there.

Why does the media insist that I must care about what "celebrities" are doing every second of the day? I REALLY...REALLY...don't care. I don't care about ANY of the Kardashians. I don't care about who Kristen Stewart is dating. I don't care about rumors of divorces and breakups. I don't care if Justin Bieber misses Selena Gomez. Seriously...I really don't care. None of this has anything to do with living my life. Strangely enough I do not need the details of their private lives to distract me from mine.

Okay...I think my brain is tired now. I had a whole political diatribe typed out here but I deleted it. I am just too tired to play the hate game right now. Just make it stop people. Just STOP!

Bird Shenanigans...we are not so different

I was sitting out in the backyard with the dogs this morning trying to wake up and at least appear alert. I was watching Baker run around looking for a new escape route that might have somehow appeared overnight. Owen is just running around aimlessly trying to figure out what dogs do outside. Fiona is navigating her way across the yard to find a spot she can get stuck in. The usual morning exercise.

As I sat there trying to put together some form of coherent thought I heard a ruckus and looked around for it. It didn't take long. There was a full-on bird brawl in my back yard. The participants were 3 Cardinals. One male and two females. I watched trying to figure out just what the drama was about. They looked like young birds. At one point they took their brawl to the yard but I yelled...hey three dogs in the yard...you might want to move on...which they did ever so politely.

At some point I noticed the prime combatants were the two females. Well...one was aggressively after the other one. The male seemed to be just enjoying the brawl. Then it suddenly occurred to me. He was trying to corner one or both and have sex while the one female was trying to drive off the competition. Who knew birds had "that bitch is tryin' is trying to steal my man" moments?

So then I paid more attention to see what the fuss was about but ladies I didn't see the attraction. He wasn't a large and fluffy male Cardinal. He was a nice shade of red but nothing special. I think it was more like teen bird drama. So...I decided it must be that he is a "hot mess" and the girls want to fix him. I am not sure who won the battle but I would assume that determined female won because her aggression was something to behold. That girl was pissed! And I thought...wow...we are just really not so different. Hmmmm...who knew??

Riding the Rollercoaster

Well...hello there...I have been gone for awhile I see. Life has been rather chaotic these last couple of months and I am just now to the point where I feel that I can write something coherent.

First my beloved cousin passed away just before Christmas and then my Christmas vacation was a mess. I had to cut it short due to a blizzard warning and then came home to a biblical flood and four feet of water in the basement. Nine days without hot water. Shuttling back and forth from the hotel to the house. Dogs in the vet. Me still trying to work amidst the chaos.

Made the decision to try and look for a house to buy. Thought I had found the perfect one the first day only to find out it had been sold and the internet had not been updated. Gutted! I kept looking but could not find a good house in my price range in Carthage so expanded to Joplin. Then another cousin died. We were not as close as myself and Connie were but it was still distressing none the less. Trying to shop for a house, dealing with grief, trying to pack in anticipation of moving, working, worrying about Fiona's decreasing mobility...life was a mess.

I found a house and was (and am) overjoyed with it. It is ME. My little hobbit house. But now came the stress of moving. Packing, inspections, paperwork, phone calls, having to ask for help moving...all the stress and excitement one girl could handle. Especially one who is not all that adept at handling a lot of change all at once. Not to mention the patience of a gnat. My poor realtor was SO patient.

The house closed a week early. I moved that weekend trying to take advantage of the day off on President's Day. My new house looks like the old house threw up in it but I am working on it slowly. I finally got the kitchen put together. It took forever to find my silverware for some reason. It was quite the adventure trying to get that huge turkey platter I bought my grandma up in a cabinet. It is wedged in an unnatural fowl position but I never use it so it should be fine. Why do I still have it? No clue.

Hopefully I will get more stuff cleared away this weekend. It's beginning to bug even me. My stress levels seem to be returning to normal. My homicidal impluses from earlier this week seem have abated. My hormones must have shifted back to their normal dysfunction. Aside from my brush with death at lunchtime today I seem to be doing much better. Oh...lunchtime death interlude...I will steal the story from my FB post rather than retype it here...

I went home for lunch and took the dogs out and then came in to eat my double quarter pounder with cheese. Whilst eating I choked like I do and went into a really horrible asthma attack. Nasty! I ran to the bathroom with my arms in the air trying to clear my airway. Sat there on the toilet thinking this could possibly be it. I am going to die on the toilet like Elvis. Every time I coughed I got an unbearable pain in my arms. I was on the verge of tears when it finally calmed ...down. At this point I realized two things...Baker was in my lunch and I had to change clothes to go back to work. I come out of the bathroom and sure enough he had eaten the other half of my burger. I almost cried and then I almost killed him. It took a great deal of self restraint to only smack him on the ass with the McDonald's bag. Both scary and infuriating at the same time. Now he will probably poop all over the house since I can't be there to let him out when it hits. Can this day be over now please?

We all survived and hopefully we shall get off this rollercoaster soon. I am too old for rollercoasters and I am out of Dramamine.