Bladder Containment Systems Test

I have consulted with another...ahem...older lady friend who has confirmed that I am not alone so I have decided to share my urinary adventure.

So...the boys and I headed out for a drive and I did my usual and stopped by Sonic for a large Coke for the journey. Standard. Along about and hour and a half into our 3 hour cruise I realize that I have to pee. Hmmm???? Options? Well since I was some where out by La Russell when I first noticed the urge I was kind of screwed. I could try and find a secluded spot and risk a full moon spotting in the late afternoon sunshine. I could make a trek over toward Sarcoxie to find an actual restroom. Neither sounded appealing and I am incredibly stubborn and procrastination is my superpower. We drove on.

Yet...despite my advanced degree and the fact that I consider myself to be a pretty smart cookie I just continue to drive and choose to acknowledge the urge postponing the inevitable. It's like urinary denial sets in. I just continued on my way and kept driving and kept ignoring. So...here I am out in the country and I have to pee like a racehorse and do I stop to do anyting about it...noooooo....do I continue drinking my Coke....yessssss.

As I was coming back into Carthage I had a fleeting moment where I thought oh...the urge seems to have gone. That was the stupid part of my brain. The smart side was saying...oh shit...this can't be good. Shortly thereafter I noticed the goosebumps...but did I stop...oh hell no. At this point I am afraid to try the convenience store. Better to wait. Shit!!!

Do I drive straight home to take care of the situation getting more desperate by the moment. Noooo...of course not...I stop at Burger King to get dinner. As I am coming down Maiden Lane I am telling the boys that they are going to have to wait until mommy goes pee. Baker demonstrates his understanding of the situation by leaping from the passenger seat onto my lap/bladder. Nice...son! 

I get home and managed to remember and grab my Whopper before I exit the car. I find the house key first and tell the boys to stay. Then I exit the car and holy shit...it's like bladder containment at DEF CON 40! I am trying to get the door unlocked while clamping my fat thighs as tightly together as is humanly possible. I make it the dining room and think shit...what do I do with my Whopper. I waddled over to the couch and then headed for the bathroom. My legs are clinched together so tight I could be making pearls for all I know. I also know that I am losing containment.

My bladder finally gives up and starts without consent. Hussy!! I race to the toilet and whip my shorts down and let it fly. Thank goodness I was heavily prepared with the highest quality bladder containment systems. These were clearly desingned for stubborn doofuses like me. I replaced my inner thigh levees and congratulated those that gave their lives to protect my carpet. The boys then got to go potty and have dinner. It must have been stressful for them as well because they are crashed out here on the couch and have been all evening.

I know there's probably a sensible moral to this story but I am sure I will continue to ignore and play Russian Roulette with my bladder. Some girls just never learn.

Vacation Openness

It has taken me a bit of time to process my vacation so that I could comment on it. I have been thinking about it for a good bit and decided to just go for it.

This vacation seems to have opened a sort of portal into my sensitivity zone. I was so tired and so burned out and so needed a break that I think it made me more open to what I was feeling and experiencing. For some time now I have been closing doors and withdrawing more because the stress and emotion of human contact was getting to be too much for me. I was shutting down and closing up shop so to speak. The universe has evidently decided that I should not do so and felt it needed to remind me of our interconnectedness.

Sedona was our first stop and an interesting experience. I knew that Sedona had a reputation for positive energy and that it had a strong pull that some people felt there. It attracts artists and spiritualists by the droves. So I went there with an open mind but still was a wee tad skeptical. I cannot say that I felt anything really profound in Sedona. What I did feel though, was very powerful. I felt very drawn to the rock formations there and I also felt very, very calm...which is a new feeling for me. I thought at first it was just that I was relaxed and on vacation but that feeling of calm did not follow me out of Sedona. I only felt it while we were there. I know that I have to go back.

The south rim of the Grand Canyon was interesting. It is very hard to feel anything there because of the hoards of tourists everywhere all chattering and taking selfies and trying to fall into the canyon while taking selfies. I was amazed by the sheer size of the place. It was astounding but that was about it really. I was more intrigued by the elk who came right up by the visitors center around dusk. They were amazing and majestic and had no fear of the tourists. Silly elk.

The drive to Kanab, Utah was very beautiful. There was one pass we drove through that was amazing. We did not get a chance to explore the area around Kanab much as the rain we had been dodging arrived in full force. I checked the radar and thought that if we left right then we might catch a break in the weather and be able to enjoy the North Rim before the rain came back in. So we headed out and the weather did get clearer the further south we headed. The drive up to the north rim is worth the trip alone. Beautiful alpine type meadows and firs and aspens all with the first colors of fall gracing the hillsides. Magnificent!

Then we got to the North Rim and the canyon there was so amazing and so different than the south rim. As we arrived the canyon was filled with either clouds or fog. It looked like clouds and it was breathtaking. I was just stunned by the beauty and was overcome with a sense of sacredness. I kept trying to whisper to Beth like I was in a library because that was how sacred and quiet it felt. It was also so much less crowded and that allowed the canyon to speak to you more loudly and you could feel its sacredness all around you. It was moving and amazing and I must go back there to feel that sense of holiness once again.

The drive to Durango Colorado was probably my most profound moment. Most of that drive is through a massive Navajo reservation. The scenery was quite amazing but the emotion of the place was what was really interesting. On the one hand I was hypnotized by the beauty all around me and on the other hand I was so distressed to see the poverty all around me. I felt a sense of horrible guilt and shame at my blessings. It was humbling and upsetting at the same time. No one should have to live in those conditions. Shame on us!!

Somewhere between the Burger King and the Four Corners Monument I had my most profound moment of the vacation. We were still on the reservation and I was overcome by a feeling of reverence for the sacredness of the area. That stretch of desert felt incredibly holy to me. I really had to force myself to NOT tell Beth to stop the car. I felt a sense of panic and a feeling like I needed to get out of the car and prostrate myself on the ground and somehow absorb the energy and the feeling of the place. It was one of the most confusing and emotional moments of my entire life. I have never felt that way about a physical space before and I still don't quite understand the power of it. The pull I felt  and the tie I felt to the place was inescapable. It was hard to leave the area and then poof...the closer we got to the Four Corners the pull of the area disappeared. I was left with a longing to turn around and go back. I must go back. I will go back.

So...that was my summer/fall vacation. It was filled with wonder and new experiences that I am still trying to process and it has left me still open and vulnerable. I am not sure I like the feeling but I have to sit with it. For the time being I am VERY open and it's both unnerving and exciting. I would prefer that the panic/anxiety attacks stay away but for now I will stay open as long as I can bear it and then I shall close the doors again so that I can survive the ride to the next open door.