Expelling Some Demons

Today I decided to try and expel some demons. A couple of summers ago I took myself up to Ha Ha Tonka State Park to hike and take pictures. Unfortunately it was the summer I was having a lot of trouble with breathing. So much so that they tested me for COPD. I headed off to see the Devil's Promenade and a collapsed cave. I had no clue the trail would be as challenging as it was and I can be such a stubborn bear sometimes. Long story short...instead of turning around and going back the way I came I tried to work my way out the other side. Unfortunately I got myself really turned around and quite befuddled and generally lost. I then proceeded to have a panic attack which was oh so helpful for my breathing. Due to not thinking clearly I turned the wrong direction and made it worse. Finally...I was having such trouble and was in such a panic that I had to swallow my pride and flag down a pickup and ask them for help. They were such a kind young couple and they helped me out and got me back to my car. I will always be eternally grateful to them for helping me and not dismissing me as a whack job.

Today I decided to go back and face my fears. I was not about to attempt my original excursion. I decided, instead to try the natural bridge area and the sink hole area caused by another cave collapse similar to the one I visited Saturday. I headed off with the masses to check it out. I knew the trail was .75 mile long so I thought it would not be too bad. Holy crap Batman they have a weird idea of what might be a good trail. It was steep and rough and just kept going up. I found myself...not getting in a panic per se...but finding I was having more trouble breathing again. Not to the same extent as last time but still it was hot and it was muggy down there and so I decided I had done enough and discretion was the better part of valor and I turned around and went back to the car.

I did get some good pictures. I survived. I would have been happier if I had made it the whole way but I did the best I could with what I had. I think I am done with Ha Ha Tonka. I have conquered what I needed to conquer. I have only found a couple of places in nature that I have gotten a bad feeling about and this is one of them. For some reason the energy there feels very bad to me and seems to affect me badly as well. The farther I drove out the area the better it felt. I don't know what is inhabiting that area but it's not the benign peacefulness that I usually find. But I did it and for that I am very proud of myself.

Road Trip Heaven

Yesterday I loaded myself into the car and took a MUCH needed road trip. I don't often have days like yesterday. It was PERFECT!!! And since you all have to put up with my whining and kvetching all the time I thought it was only fair that you get some of the good stuff too.

I headed out in the morning for Grand Gulf State Park near Thayer, Missouri. It is a good 3 1/2 hour drive from here not counting stops. The temps were perfect. I didn't have to turn the A/C on at all. I rolled the window down and let it roar. I turned up the stereo to compensate and sang lustily and off key all the way to and fro.

The first part of the drive was a bit boring because it's just highway and I have been down Highway 60 so often that there's not much to see. I do enjoy the occasional Amish/Mennonite buggy. It looks like such a peaceful way to travel...at least I imagine it is if the cars will cooperate.

I had not been to West Plains since I was about 15 or so. I attended church camp near there one summer. I saw the sign for the camp and felt a twinge of nostalgia. That week started out rough but over all it was a good experience. I wonder what all those girls in my cabin are doing now. I kept up with some of them for awhile but we all drifted apart as you do. I hope they have had most excellent lives.

I found the park and was surprised at how crowded the parking lot area was. There did not seem to be a commensurate number of people on the trails. They must have been off down in the hole. After taking the less scenic path...I always pick the wrong one by the way...I finally made it to the more interesting area. It is a fascinating formation. The "gulf" or canyon was made by the collapse of a cave roof umpteen years ago. I think it would be more interesting in the winter when there is less foliage and you can see more clearly.

I contemplated not venturing down all those stairs and then I thought...hell...what's the point of driving all this way Karen if you don't. So...off I went. It was easier than I thought since they had thoughtfully made a lot of landings to stop on. I made it to the bottom in a reasonable amount of time for someone of my years and girth. It was really beautiful down there. The waterfall was not running much because we have not had much rain of late but I could imagine how beautiful it would be with more runoff. Still...I stood there by myself and took it all in and thought...yes...this is where faeries live. I know I am a grown ass woman but I believe they can exist so there. I would love to go down into the actual canyon next time but that requires you go off trial and climb down a bit and I didn't fell safe doing that by myself.

I stood there for a bit just taking it in and then noticed the butterflies!!! It was butterfly central down there. There was a whole butterfly clan down there at the bottom of the steps. They were the big, beautiful blue ones. I need to look up their official names but they were magnificent and in such a mood to be still for pictures. Maybe they were the faeries in butterfly form? What a nice thought. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments and I will never forget it.

Then I began the process of going back up the stairs. My knees were amazingly cooperative. Yes...they crunched the whole way...but they let me walk up like a normal human being instead of one step at a time. I made it to the top with several little rest stops. I must say by the time I made it the 70 feet back up my heart had something to say about it. I sat down by the flagpole and listened to it complain. It went something like this..."OMG!!!...WHAT THE FUCK was that????...we don't do that...that was exercise...have you lost your mind...OMG...pound...pound...I'm just leaving this chest if you are going to abuse me like this...pound...pound...SHIT...and so on and so on"

It did finally get over itself and we made it back to the car. I plugged everything back up and headed out...reminding myself that I could reward myself with a stop at the Dairy Queen in West Plains...YES!!! I picked up my Oreo Blizzard as my reward and it was awesome! I know it kind of defeats the purpose to go and have a nice hike and then have ice cream but at my age those sort of rules go out the window. Incentive is the name of the game right now. It was yummy and I have no remorse.

I decided to head back a different and more scenic route. Wise choice! Have I mentioned that I LOVE to drive? Well I do. The car and I are one. My car is my freedom. It takes me to new places...it gets me outside in the fresh air and sunshine...it allows me to sing freely and loudly...just the act of driving calms and refreshes me. I may be physically tired after a long trip but I NEED the expression that driving gives me. It feeds my soul. I digress...anyway...I headed back this new way and it was interesting until I got to highway 125 and then it got cosmic.

OMG!!! it was the perfect experience. The windows were down...it was cool...the music was loud...the pavement was dry...it wound through the Mark Twain National Forest...the road was dappled with sun and shade...it was astoundingly curvy without being TOO curvy. The car and I wove through the curves as if we were dancing. It was cosmic. It was magical. It was a good thing I didn't have a passenger as they may have not embraced my passion for taking the curves quite so much. I think I may have had a big O half way up the road...yes...it was that awesome. I will never forget it. I must do it again sometime.

To sum it all up...I had the most awesome...perfect day and quite frankly I deserved it. It has been a rough August. I needed this break really badly. Hopefully I will use the rest of my holiday weekend wisely and be all refreshed to get ready for my vacation adventure coming up in a couple of weeks. I am a happy camper!! Enjoy it while it last my friends!!